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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24993643">and now i see daylight (i only see daylight)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthlessgame/pseuds/ruthlessgame'>ruthlessgame</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftermath, F/F, Guilt, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Love, catra feels guilty and adora always comforts her, growing together</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:27:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,912</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24993643</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthlessgame/pseuds/ruthlessgame</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Are you sure I’ve changed?” </p><p>The sun has now fully risen, its golden light completely encompassing both the gardens below them and their bodies that sway together on the balcony with Melog glued to their sides. Adora squints into its light now, momentarily watching the spots that dance in her vision. She cranes her head down to stare at Catra once more, thinking of what she had just asked.</p><p>The golden grazes Catra’s tender face, causing her to screw her eyes shut at its intensity before looking away and up at Adora - meeting her gaze and awaiting her response with obvious anticipation. Adora stares down at her, into her blue and yellow eyes that are wide and brimmed with tears. She smiles.</p><p>“Do you think you’d be asking that if you haven’t?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>157</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and now i see daylight (i only see daylight)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi i got this idea in the shower and had this writing demon overcome me ... i had to to get it out. anyway, title from “daylight” by taylor swift - which is such a catradora song that it hurts. </p><p>i wrote this quickly but i hope u all enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adora wakes suddenly to the feeling that there’s something wrong.</p><p>She blinks her eyes open with a startle, hand frantically feeling beside her for Catra out of habit - still mostly overcome with sleep. Although the war ended six months ago, Adora will randomly reach out for her in the middle of the night -  sometimes jolted awake by the urge or Catra’s slender hand on her chest, whispering between them,”I’m here, I’m here.” It feels like a dream to hear her voice of reassurance in those moments. Even now - as they heal and grow in the aftermath - Adora still feels disbelief when she rises to the sight of Catra in the mornings, sprawled peacefully beside her like a vision. </p><p>This time - however - empty bedsheets meet her palm instead of soft fur, and Adora lets out a gasp. She rises - now fully awake - and turns her head to Catra’s side. She’s met with the sight of rumpled blankets and no Catra. Melog, who usually sleeps atop their legs, is gone too. Her heart nearly stops at the realization, panic fogging her thoughts momentarily at her absence - until logic floods her brain. </p><p>Catra is somewhere in Brightmoon, probably on a roof somewhere. Adora deflates at the new realization, shoulders slumping as she swings her legs over the bed - because this signifies that Catra isn’t doing well.</p><p>She probably had a nightmare or was thoroughly consumed by guilt, her own thoughts chasing her away from the comfort of their bedroom. It happens sometimes - especially now as they’re rebuilding rampaged villages and are forced to stare at the onset of war once more. </p><p>Catra can’t help but dwell upon her mistakes as she walks through destroyed homes and crumbled infrastructures; how couldn’t she? She contributed to the destruction of Etheria, to the displacement of hundreds of civilians and is personally responsible for their pain. Cursing the path she once took barely scratches the surface of the guilt she grapples with constantly, the guilt that leads her to hide in the dark spots of Brightmoon. </p><p>She’s gotten better at opening up about those feelings, though. Catra will sometimes whisper them to Adora on silent nights, tears rushing down her cheeks when relating her wrongdoings. Adora always comforts her, pulls her close - wishes she could heal Catra’s ongoing pain.</p><p>However, she knows it’s impossible to just fix Catra, knows it’s not her sole responsibility to piece her together. She’s working on her own learned habits, such as the need to bear burdens that aren’t her own - and that includes Catra’s struggles. Adora has learned to sit beside her and comfort. She’s learned to console and encourage healthy habits, to not push and overwhelm.</p><p>Micah has started speaking to her as well; they walk through Brightmoon’s courtyards together, talking about the war and how she isn’t her past mistakes. She even meditates with Perfuma regularly and works on breathing techniques with Bow. </p><p>Healing isn’t linear, though. A lifetime of pain and abuse leaves dozens of internal bruises that continue to ache for years, that leads to Catra running away in moments where the pain is unbearable. </p><p>Adora has to find her.</p><p>It’s dawn, so the sun isn’t even out yet. Purple light cascades through their curtains and she runs a hand down her face in an attempt to ease her grogginess - willing her tired brain to focus on the concern over Catra’s absence. </p><p>Running off is a habit Catra has had since the Fright Zone, one that Adora is sure will remain. Catra would climb to the tallest structure she could find, dangle her legs off its edges, and stare into the bleeding sunset as if looking for answers. She’d wait for Adora to find her, and every time she did - she’d murmur,”I need a different spot.” </p><p>They do the same now; Adora searching for Catra in the highs and lows of Brightmoon. Catra will sometimes walk through the gardens outside their balcony, or sit on the outskirts of the Whispering Woods. Once, Adora found her staring up at the painting of Angella in the hallways - tremors running through her body. </p><p>She sighs, finally pushing herself out of bed. Shoving her feet into a pair of slippers Bow had gifted her recently, she decides she’ll try and spot Catra through the balcony connected to their bedroom. It’s high enough to spot Catra in Brightmoon’s courtyards if she happens to be there. </p><p>Adora doesn’t expect to find the doors leading to the balcony open. She doesn’t expect to see Catra in her black robe, standing outside with her arms crossed. She has her back turned towards her with Melog pressed to her side - purring loudly in an attempt to soothe her. </p><p>Her curls move in the wind and an ear twitches once Adora steps outside, conveying she’s aware of her presence. Catra doesn’t move from her spot against the railing, continuing to show Adora her back. </p><p>“Catra?” Adora says quietly. </p><p>“I need a different spot,” Catra murmurs in response, and Adora nearly smiles.</p><p>It’s silent as Adora crosses the space between them to lean next to Catra, careful to leave space. The sun is nearly rising now, its edges pulling up in the sky and she turns her face away from it to peer at her girlfriend.</p><p>Catra’s knuckles are clenched white around the railing as she stares off into space, her black robe slipping off one shoulder and revealing an expanse of tan skin that stretches across her collarbones - skin that Adora now can feel and caress with her calloused palms freely. She’s keenly aware of its warmth, of the fuzz that spreads down her chest; she longs to run her fingers through it and feel the vibrations of a purr against her palm like a kiss, but instead crosses her arms and follows Catra’s line of sight. </p><p>Catra gazes into the lush greenery surrounding the castle as if caught in a daze, her blue and yellow eyes glazed over - empty of their usual gleam. </p><p>Adora breathes next to her, blue eyes flitting across the treetops of the Whispering Woods and imagining a small Melog hopping through its leaves in an attempt to distract her worried thoughts. She fights the visceral need to press her shoulder against Catra’s own, to hold her tightly until her wounds heal and her mouth twitches into a smile.</p><p>However, she knows it’ll send Catra further beyond the hills of Brightmoon. She’s aware it will lead her to lash out like she does when she’s pushed, so she continues to breathe and listen to the heightened rise and fall of Catra’s chest. </p><p>She cranes her head to stare at Catra once more. There are craters the size of the moon under her eyes - signifying she didn’t sleep last night - and the slope of her nose is twitching like it does when she’s contemplating. The morning breeze ruffles through her curls that now graze the cut of her jaw; her hair is growing fast, and soon it’ll rest on her shoulders.</p><p>She’s beautiful, and Adora realizes how much she truly loves her. </p><p>She looks so much like the girl she grew up with, the girl she first fell for. She lives on in the curves of her face, the pink of her lips - in the way she juts her shoulder out now as she leans against the railing. </p><p>However, when Catra closes her eyes and shakingly exhales now, bearing the onset of a new day after a night filled with terrors, after a lifetime of pain - Adora almost doesn’t recognize her.</p><p>And she loves this version of her, loves how she breathes out shakingly even when her lungs are filled with gaps that burn. Loves how Catra yearns to continue growing, even when it feels achingly slow like now. </p><p>She’s an evergreen garden of growth in Adora’s eyes; a symbol of hope, of perseverance - of change. </p><p>She’s a stranger in so many ways, but standing here in silence with Catra is so achingly familiar.</p><p>And the only way to pull Catra out of this trance is by allowing her space to just be in moments like these. That hasn’t changed.</p><p>In the before, Adora would stand beside her on the metal roofs of the Horde’s leaning towers - listening to its hums and groans, to the scrape of Catra’s claws on the railings as she clenched and unclenched her palms. She’d try to hear what she heard, attempted to look beyond the bleeding sunset like Catra always did. With each passing moment, Catra’s guard would fall with the sun. </p><p>When Catra was ready to talk, she’d let out a sigh - scrunch her face up like she did when she didn’t want to cry, and Adora would just wait for a tumble of words. </p><p>Now, she stands beside her on the balcony connected to the bedroom they share and have steadily grown into. Now Adora waits for her to speak. </p><p>And as if listening to her thoughts, Catra sighs. Adora turns to look at her once more. </p><p>“I just,” Catra says, face scrunching. She blinks her eyes rapidly, fighting off tears - a habit learned from the Fright Zone “I don’t know if I deserve this.”</p><p>“Deserve what?” Adora breathes. Melog mewls at Catra and Catra reaches a hand down to scratch at their head. </p><p>Catra doesn’t say anything for a moment, and Adora turns her head to stare at the light that now spills on the lakes that surround the castle - their waters gleaming. She waits, observes the golden light that grazes upon the edges of the shores.</p><p>“You,” Catra finishes. ‘I don’t deserve you.”</p><p>“Catra,” Adora whispers, closing the space between them without hesitation as Catra lets out a sob. </p><p>She presses her shoulder against her small frame, aching to melt into her completely and ease the thoughts that plague her. Catra hiccups now, and Adora wraps an arm around her - guiding her face into the crook of her neck. Melog mewls at the pair loudly and presses their body against their legs - purring loudly again.</p><p>“You always deserve me,” Adora says, feeling wetness on the skin under her jaw. “You always will. How many times have I told you that?”</p><p>“A lot,” Catra croaks, voice muffled. “I just. I made a lot of mistakes.”</p><p>“But you’ve changed. You’re growing,” Adora says slowly, reaching a hand out to stroke at her hair. Catra exhales against her skin, turns her head to press her cheek against Adora’s shoulder and stare into the orange that continues to grow in the sky. Adora slightly cranes her head to look down at her, at the pout in her lips and her flushed cheeks. Her heart flutters. </p><p>“Are you sure I’ve changed?</p><p>The sun has now fully risen, its golden light completely encompassing both the gardens below them and their bodies that sway together on the balcony with Melog glued to their sides. Adora squints into its light now, momentarily watching the spots that dance in her vision. She cranes her head down to stare at Catra once more, thinking of what she just had just asked.</p><p>The golden grazes Catra’s tender face, causing her to screw her eyes shut at its intensity before looking away and up at Adora - meeting her gaze and awaiting her response with obvious anticipation. Adora stares down at her, into her blue and yellow eyes that are wide and brimmed with tears. She smiles. </p><p>“Do you think you’d be asking that if you haven’t? </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank u for reading &lt; 3 if u feel so inclined, leave a kudo or a comment :3 </p><p>also, i have like 3 wips in my google docs h e l p</p></blockquote></div></div>
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